


To Live In Hearts We Leave Behind

by Annaelle



Series: Marvel Oneshots [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War, DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVENT SEEN, Infinity War spoilers, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War, spoilers for Infinity War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-28 00:06:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14437149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annaelle/pseuds/Annaelle
Summary: Post-Avengers: Infinity War.A first, emotional reaction from our hero to his greatest loss.





	To Live In Hearts We Leave Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I cried after the movie. I was in shock. I was prepared to see Steve die, to see Loki die... I wasn't prepared to see Bucky go again. I'm still in shock, but writing it out like this has helped.   
> It has not been beta'd because my lovely Juuls hasn't seen the movie yet and I refuse to spoil this for her. Thanks for reading. I'm sorry it's not up to my usual standard, it was written in a rush, to get it out so I could /breathe/. 
> 
> Love, Annaelle

**To Live In Hearts We Leave Behind**

**_“To Live In Hearts We Leave Behind Is Not To Die.”  
—Thomas Campbell _ **

**WAKANDA**

_“Steve?”_

His own name, whispered confusedly in Bucky’s familiar voice rung in his head over and over again as he stared at the spot where his best friend had… where he’d…

He exhaled harshly and stumbled forward, his ears still ringing from Thanos’ harsh blow, fingers clumsy as they reached out towards the ashes that coated the forest floor—the ashes that were the only thing that was left of his… his…

How did it come to this all over again?

How did he end up here all over again? How— _why_ —did he have to suffer through watching the one person he loved most in the entire universe _die_ twice? What had he ever done to _deserve_ this? What had Bucky ever done to be punished like this?

Why couldn’t the world just let them have a happy ending?

Someone screamed, a deep, guttural sound that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up straight, and it took him far too long the sound was coming from him. He was hunched forward, forehead pressed to the ashes right by Bucky’s gun, his breath coming hard and fast and too uncontrolled and Steve _didn’t care_.

He couldn’t.

He couldn’t do this again.

He’d barely survived the first time around.

He didn’t think he’d be able to do it again, knowing that _this was his fault_. Steve had involved Wakanda, _Steve_ had been the one to ask for their aid, to count on the fact that Bucky would have his back once again, and _Steve_ … he should’ve tried harder, he should fought harder.

He should’ve died and Bucky should have lived.

Bucky _deserved_ to live.

He had no idea how long he sat like that, hunched over his best friend’s remains before he moved, pulling himself away before he’d break _completely_ , because _he couldn’t give up_. There _had_ to be a way to _fix_ this, to make it better, to make it so he hadn’t failed everyone he loved in this century, and the only person he’d loved his entire life.

Vision’s body was cold and stiff when he reached it, and it was entirely disconcerting to see nothing but wires sticking out of his forehead.

There was an ashen handprint on his bicep.

Wanda.

Steve’s heart clenched and he sobbed again. _Oh Wanda._

He yanked his hand off of Vision and collapsed backwards, his entire body smarting and aching and he _hoped_. He knew it was cowardly and selfish, but for a long moment he _hoped_ his extremities would turn into ashes too, so he would be _free_ —free of _this_ , this cursed existence where there was nothing but pain and loss and war.

He’d barely had a chance to talk to Bucky.

He hadn’t even gotten the chance to tell him that he loved him. That he _always_ would.

Someone came up behind him, setting a slender hand on his shoulder carefully. Nat. “Steve?”

He gasped, pulling away from her touch abruptly, barely resisting the urge to cover his ears, because he didn’t want her to overlay Bucky’s last words with her own. He didn’t want to forget what his name had sounded like falling from Bucky’s lips, because it had been the last thing Bucky had said and he deserved to be remembered perfectly.

“Steve, what are we going to do?”

He heard her words. He knew they were looking to him, that they somehow expected him to stand up and walk it off. He might have been able to do so, before. After Bucky had fallen, that was _exactly_ what he’d done, and it had gotten him here, in the twenty-first century, where he’d just been forced to watch the love of his life die _again_.

He didn’t think he could stand up again this time.

He didn’t think he remembered _how_.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, tears rolling down his cheeks as he looked up at Thor, who had joined him with an equally grim expression, tears shining in his own eyes too. “I don’t know what to do.”

“We’re going to undo this,” Thor said determinately, nodding sternly. “We’re _going_ to find a way to make this better. For that we love. For those that we lost.” Steve’s own grief, the deep, bottomless well of pain deep inside of him was mirrored in Thor’s eyes, and for the first time in a long time, Steve felt a true connection with the god.

“The time stone,” he said slowly. “He used it to undo what Wanda did to Vision’s stone. We need to get our hands on it. If we can get the time stone—”

Thor nodded, and Nat’s hand once again squeezed his shoulder. “If we get the stone, we can win.”

Steve looked back at where Bucky had fallen, where Steve himself wished he would have perished along with him, and took a deep breath. If they could get the stone, he could get Bucky back. He could tell him all the things they’d left unsaid over the years.

He could get another chance.

He nodded slowly. “Let’s do it.”


End file.
